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Fancy Kinky Sex

Man says to wife I fancy kinky sex,
how about I cum in your ear?
Wife says:  No I mite go deaf!
Man says: I've been Cumming in your mouth
for 20 years and your still fucken talking
!

 

Three Woman In A Bar

three women sitting in a bar, the first woman says;
my holes so big ,my husband can fit his whole hand up it,
the second says ,that’s nothing ,
mines so big my hole man can stick his head in it,
the third girl laughed so hard she fell down the stool .

 

Which First

Teacher asks pupil.......which part of body goes to heaven 1st ?
Pupil replies legs Miss,
I've seen my mum wave her legs in the air screaming,
GOD I'm FuckING CUMING!

 

Wanna Good Time

This guy was walking down the street and this hooker says,
"Say, Wanna have a good time?"
"Sure", he says and they were off to the nearest motel.
She takes off her clothes and he keeps staring at her.
She says, "Is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one?"
The guy says: "Nope, just the first one I've seen big enough to crawl back into."

 

Cathedral

A man picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him.
After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed,
climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.
After a few minutes, the girl started laughing.
The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.
"Your organ," she replied. "It's a bit on the small side."
Hurt, he replied: "It's not used to playing in cathedrals."

 

 

 

Magic Sex

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says,
"You want to play 'Magic Sex'?"
She says, "What's that?"
He says, "We go to my house and fuck,
and then you disappear."
 
  

 

Good Date

These three women were roommates.
One night they all had all gone out on dates
and all came home at about the same time.
The blonde said, "You know you've been on a good date
when you come home with your hair all messed up."
The brunette said, "No, you know you've been on a good date
when you come home with your makeup all smeared."
The redhead said nothing, but reached under her skirt,
removed her panties and threw up to the ceiling, where they stuck.
She said,  "Now THAT'S a good date!"

   

Dynamite

This man comes home feeling pretty frisky
after partying with his buddies half the night.
He walk's into the bedroom where his wife is still waiting up for him.
He take's off all of his clothes and says
"baby you are looking at 200 pounds of dynamite."

His wife opens the window and yells "everybody run for your lives,
there's 200 pounds of dynamite in my bedroom and it only has a three inch fuse."

 

Dry Cleaning Monica's Dress

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy,
"I've got another dress for you to clean.
" Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again "
"No," says Monica. "Mustard."

 

 

Truckies and Jelly Beans


A little kid was sitting on the top of a flight of stairs
and his mum was watching him.
The kid had a bag of jelly beans. He put one in his mouth,
grabbed the cat and bit it.
Then dropped down to the next step, put another jelly bean in his mouth,
bit the cat again and dropped down to the next step.
His mum, wondered what he was doing and went up and asked him.
"I'm playing truckies." said the kid,
"Poppin pills, eating pussy and movin 'on."